i feel like crap. i feel like poo. i feel like noone loves me. i feel betrayed. i feel hurt. i feel empty. i feel like its worth it anymore. i feel like so many people have it better than me. i feel damaged. i feel stepped on, chewed on, and spat out. i feel every single negative emotion anyone could ever feel. i've hit rock bottom. i suck at life. i love so many people, but i feel like noone loves me.


ugh. RIP CHUCK GALLUP DECEMBER 1ST 2005 7:30PM

jackie & kelley.. they are everything to me and here i am stranded once again without them. i did nothing wrong though! i said i wanted to go to the funeral and i couldnt hang out and they get mad.. yeah i could hang out with jackie more but she lives so far and i call her a lot but people just tell me that theyll have her call me back! and now in her myspace its all about paige and it just makes me think.. wow i suck.

yet its like ughhhh i went to a funeral for cassie she needs me sooooooo bad right now and like cmon death is a sucky thing to deal with. so now im stuck..

i called angela, she made me feel so much better, i love her sooo much.

i was gonna call kelley, but shes with jackie. so yeah there'd be no point. yeah me and jackie were drifting becuase we never hang out anymore that much but that doesnt mean were having issues!

god help me someone. i have been crying sooo much for 3 days now. i cried on thrusday for a while when i found out cassies dad died when she called me and told me and we talked forever about it. then on friday i cried in 2nd hour when she walked in the room. then also 5th hour in the conference room i nthe counseling center with the other people. ugh. now this morning i did because my dad made me go to this thing and i was miserable and just ahhh. and then really hard tonight after finding out my best friends probably hate me.

thats a horrible feeling trust me.

thats when i realized i need to just relax, BUT I CANT! so many thoughts are liek running through my mind. in fact im typing actually really fast too. wow. dang. so what do i do?! i seriously think i have like temporary depression. i havent eaten all day, and im not hungry. ive been crying a lot and very easily at that. and i just feel so blah like theres a black cloud above my head. i cant stand it any longer. god please send me and angel to help me be more optimistic. i need your help so bad right now god i just need you so bad. i was so close to doing somethink baaad to myself, but i didnt. cuz it would get me nowhere. absolutely nowhere. my body is emptied of tears. they now exist in the tissues in the garbage which i wiped my tears and blowed my nose in. ugh..

someone please.. i need you so bad.